…in the ascendant

Yesterday was a clear day with exceptionally favourable light for filming. Those conditions can’t “possibly” be re-created artificially. And last night’s plummet into the real world (Followed by uneasy sleep with very strange dreams contaminated by warped images and sounds telegraphed from the passed day.) somehow is reflected in the weather today – Ominous dark clouds, the unnatural cold and the intense rain that feels like a cold shower. (Both literally and figuratively.)

It once again defies expressions of near-euphoria to work with people who counterbalance one’s own numerous weaknesses, shortcomings and mental overturns, especially during a treacherously addictive undertaking like this one turned out to be. For zero to max in one magic moment. It all comes down to avoiding the one-way rollercoaster-rides straight down into the abyss. This project finally feels very real like a scorching fire – You need the warmth badly, but you get severely burned at the same time. Beyond the point of no return, it’s impossible to shake the reflections around the whole experience even for one whole hour – No matter how profoundly healing / damaging it is. The presence of the Paradise unseen creeps back into the mind with unmatched precision, slowly turning this day into a very long and empty detour back to something that may feel “safe”, but that insidiously looms in a corroding state of stagnation. (Yeah. Those terminal and with time more and more obvious “warning signs” in life that usually hint that a change is very much needed.)

I can’t wait to see the dailies, continue the “endless” discussions, plan the next step, get back to filming and everything that’s in between – In other words: Sense the motion that was felt yesterday. That ride into that parallel world. It’s a new drug with the characteristics of others drugs – The rush strengthens you momentarily, but it will ultimately leave you weakened and shattered. I for sure feel the withdrawal symptoms right now…

by Markus